marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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