chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
