Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
My nipple is on Facebook.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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