Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
