He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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