hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
