im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
