I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Your penis caused this!
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize