Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
