If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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