forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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