next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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