You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
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Strip Mario-Kart
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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