If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
