I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
