you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
