one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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