I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
