please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
We need to get me chipped asap
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
