I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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