Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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