nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
