I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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