Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
