you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
