whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
