I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
