My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Randomize
