you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
