That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
