Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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