I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
