this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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