so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Found the puke drawer
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
