Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
