i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
