I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
