she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
