Tell her she can't have a vagina
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
