haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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