Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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