Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
