Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I feel like a drive thru vagina
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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