Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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