This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
