Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
