when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i already hear my dad disowning me
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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