If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
