I hope mine doesn't look like that
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
