I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
