Im at strip club and am horny
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
