so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
