Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
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