you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
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