I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
