What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
We smell like vodka and hangover
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