Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
