so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
there's paper in my vomit.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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