Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
