YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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