Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Come share oat with me in your robe
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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