Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
