you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
