Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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