i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
