so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
