I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
