Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Drunk is a universal language darling
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
