I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
