he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
