Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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