I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
