I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
