did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
