Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
