Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
