I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
