She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
