I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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