shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
