I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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