i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
