Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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