i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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