that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
